The year that promised so much. So much joyful anticipation that if I close my eyes, I can still feel it flutter in my chest, butterflies with razor-edged wings. 2013 was the year of squinting at a shockingly positive pregnancy test after so many negatives, the year of morning sickness and ultrasounds with strong heartbeats. Choosing names and making plans. 2013 was the year of the coming future.
2013 was a jerk. It offered us so much and it didn’t deliver. Because 2013 was also the year of horrifying test results and terrible truths, and finally, it was the year where we met our small, still son and had to keep going without him. So I’m glad, so glad, to see the end of it.
I have so much gratitude for some of the things that this year brought me. I have my health, which was not always a given. We learned – over and over and over again – how loved we are, how much we love, and what wonderful community we’ve built. We received warm and compassionate medical care. I am married to my favourite person in the world, and I feel lucky every day.
All the same, I’m ready for a new year. We stood on the edge of January last year and told ourselves that this would be the year that we got our baby. I’m afraid now to jinx ourselves, but surely this one will be better. I’m hanging on to that idea. Come on, 2014.