The Right Stuff

If you’re still reading, thank you for being witness to such a dark and twisty period of my life (we’ll call it my “blue period” in retrospect, perhaps).  It’s not over, mind you – I don’t think it’s going to magically happen.  I’m integrating losing my son into who I am, and that’s a messy, fearsome,  and I suspect, life-long process.

Today is the sixth anniversary of my mother’s death, one of the more (no longer the most) traumatic experiences of my life.  It makes me reflect that incredibly, life does continue, even when it leaves you gutted.  Each new day still dawns and contains the same old mixture of the good, the bad, and the bemusing.  That I can wade through grief and, in grieving, still find room for a really good pun, or some dark humour, or a great video game – for a glass of wine with my wife at the end of the day, for a meal with friends…I’m grateful that this is possible.  It didn’t seem that it would be, but amazingly, it is.  There’s room for both pleasure and grief in my life, and that’s confounding and wonderful.

So today I’m acknowledging some of the good:

Weddings of loved ones, for which we become quite fancy.

Weddings of loved ones, for which we become quite fancy.

Poking around in Brooklyn on a beautiful sunny day.

Poking around in Brooklyn on a beautiful sunny day.

Finding great coffee just as the need for caffeine becomes desperate.

Finding great coffee just as the need for caffeine becomes desperate.

Amazing gluten-free barbeque.

Amazing gluten-free barbeque (this was in New York).

Puzzles and tea on quiet afternoons.

Puzzles and tea on quiet afternoons.

This lady.  Isn't my wife sharp?

This lady. Isn’t my wife sharp?

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About tamarainwriting

I'm a queer, married, child and youth counsellor, in Toronto, Ontario. My wife and I had a beautiful stillborn son and we have an amazing one-year-old daughter. It's a complex journey.
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6 Responses to The Right Stuff

  1. AndiePants says:

    Have you ever read Dear Sugar in the Rumpus? Cheryl Strayed writes it as a sort of advice column and what you have written here resonates with it. She has also collected many of the articles into a book called “Tiny Beautiful Things”

  2. meridith says:

    Those are some amazingly good things indeed. Puzzles are something that I’m bringing to my own life, stat.

  3. Isa says:

    So nice to see you doing fun things! I think what sucks about modern grieving is that people expect it to have a (short) finite timespan. Expecting it to become part of who you are and how you see the world is much sadder, but feels much more true.

  4. CGsaysstuff says:

    Glad to see that you’ve given yourselves a vacation and some r and r.
    Having been following your journey during this ‘dark and twisty’ time, I’ve connected often with your writing and your words. I’ve nominated you for the ‘sunshine award’.
    You can read more about it on my post if you like,.
    http://hangyourhopesfromtrees.wordpress.com/2013/11/04/i-got-sunshine-on-a-cloudy-day/

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