You know, in spite of the fact that none of my bras are comfortable and I spend most of my subway ride trying to convince myself that I’m NOT going to vomit on my fellow commuters, I still actually didn’t really believe that I was pregnant.   I was more than a little convinced that we were going to arrive at the clinic today for my ultrasound and that there would be nothing there.  Just an empty space, like every other one of my zillion cycle monitoring ultrasounds.  It was interesting how different this visit to the clinic felt.  I’ve spent so many early mornings there, and everyone is generally pleasant, but today they were all smiles.  The tech positively beamed as she ushered us in and through the familiar routine.

“There’s a baby in there!” she said.


Sure enough, there is.  Or at least, there’s a small unidentifiable blob with a strong regular heartbeat.  There’s a heart beating in there.


About tamarainwriting

I'm a queer, married, child and youth counsellor, in Toronto, Ontario. My wife and I had a beautiful stillborn son and we have an amazing one-year-old daughter. It's a complex journey.
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2 Responses to Heartbeat

  1. Yay, heartbeat! It’s kind of awesome that you have two hearts right now.

  2. I know! It’s all very surreal. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around something the size of a lentil having a beating heart.

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